Reflection of myself

     Sometimes, possibly every day of the week-- I wonder why I'm so introverted. I hate to admit it, but I'm shyer than I really think I am sometimes. One day I can try to speak to someone, but the next I can't even have the confidence to be with the friends I'm with. I used to have really bad inferiority complex that I just couldn't do anything on my own without having a whole time drowning in my thoughts about how I messed up on making friends. Thankfully that's cured now, it's just that it lingers from time to time that I don't know whether or not I should talk to the people around me??

    My friends and my family would always urge me to talk with people around me and to "make friends", but there's prioritizes even between friends. To be honest, I grow a bit paranoid wondering if I'm just being delusional and thinking I have friends when I actually don't and people are sick of listening to me speak. Or that I'm being watched because I don't look as perfect as the people around me. My best friend says it's since I don't have the best family to support me through these emotional problems, but I also believe that it's because I'm just mentally weak and I worry too much about everything. 

    I don't know about everyone else, but does anyone ever have that questioning feeling of if you're really welcome?? Like you're with your friends but you don't know if you're allowed to be with them?? I think I'm getting scared too easily 💀 At the same time, I break myself off really quickly when I'm scared and end up being alone.. I don't know what to do with this personality. Or fear.