My best friend for as long as I've remembered, STRESS.

    So. You may be wondering, "Heck, is she gonna blow?"

    The answer is: Un poco. A little bit. (I don't even know if I'm using Spanish correctly at this point leave me be TwT)

    So, for as long as I've remembered, I've cried almost every single day of my childhood. Actually, since I don't remember much myself, I'll talk about what I heard from my parents. Apparently, I cried from how cold it was in Chicago. The start of my crybaby habit may have started from there. What I remember is crying almost every single day from Kindergarten because I had to go through the stress of going to a normal American school, but I also had to go to a separate Japanese school. On days and times during the day that other children would have been playing around.

    And you see, even now, I'm really antisocial. I'm trying to grow out of it, but honestly.. I just can't. I'm not sure about what exactly caused it(I know probably around half the reason why but I won't address that matter-) but I know for sure that my self esteem is way under average. I can't just say what I like because I get paranoid about if the other person likes it too and they don't like other fans. 

    I feel as if I can't do or accomplish anything, and that people start to hate me for being dumb and unproductive. (I promise I'm not lazy.. I know I act like it but would you think I was lazy if I told you I've never been late for class and I turn in every assignment in on time?) It gets even worse than this simple blog. I fought with my best friend over her actions not being used appropriately and how it hurt my feelings, I have to fight with the dreadful feeling of "What if I don't have friends and I'm just hallucinating.", and "What if they all hate me because I can't go out with them?"

    Lack of communication honestly.. But I can't help it. Before I even try to say anything, my heart tells me that I'm not fit to be anywhere. I don't have a place to belong and that no matter how much I'm trying to avoid it, I'll be alone. Being alone honestly scares me because when I was in middle school, I faced something that was close to bullying and my teacher did nothing to help solve the problem. In high school, I made friends but I never went out to go play anywhere with them until the end because it was basically our last time we would see each other. I'm not used to going out and playing with anyone in general, so I turn down any request wherever I go. It scares me about what my parents would say if I wasted their money for something that wouldn't benefit me. 

    Pure stress and confusion makes me cry every day, even now. Somedays, I wake up with puffy eyes even though I never had them when crying, up until now in Uni. It's honestly annoying but stress from all sides, especially relationships with friends is the worst right now. 

    Aaaaanyways, that's too much for one night. I don't even understand what I'm typing at this point.